A common fear that people experience in the early days of loss is that their loved one will be forgotten. We stand shoulder to shoulder with loss survivors in our commitment to remember them. In fact, it is so important that we prominently feature stories of loss survivors on our blogs. It is also why we have a Memorial Day Send a Salute virtual wall where you view tributes made to honor veterans who are no longer with us. It extends beyond individuals who died by suicide and is inclusive of all the special people we wish to honor.
This idea of remembering is something that we want to encourage you to do and there are reasons why it is so important. Dr. Sonja Batten, our Chief Clinical Officer, shared, “We often think of remembering as being important to honor those we have lost, yet it’s equally important for us in our own healing to find a way to remain connected with the people we care about and to nurture what we gained from having the person in our life.” Grief is a very common and shared experience and one we wish to help people navigate.
For many people on our team, this work is personal. For example, Kim Burditt Bartlett, MSW, is not only our Senior Manager of Black Box Project ®, but she is also a loss survivor. She combines her expertise as a social worker with lived experiences, which is why her perspective on grief is so valuable.
When reflecting on the act of remembering, Kim emphasized that it helps integrate the loss within our lives. “Saying their name, sharing stories, inviting memories from others, and choosing ways to honor them (and our love for them) with purpose are all ways that help keep a connection to them,” shared Kim.
Kim smiling big with her brother Jon.
When it comes to loss that is specific to suicide, our ability to speak openly about our loved ones helps push back against stigma. Refusing to be silent also gives others encouragement to also speak up and share. When it comes to walking through suicide loss Kim also emphasized being intentional in “shifting our focus from how they died to how they lived.”
Not only that, it is also important that someone who dies by suicide is remembered for all that they were when they were living. As we remember them we get to recall all the beauty and worth that they brought to the world. Kim was able to reflect on this and the role that it has had for her, as a loss survivor. “Speaking openly about my brother - not just his suicide but his entire life, who he was, what and how he loved - tells others that they can do the same around me, which helps dispel stigma and encourages healthy grieving for all. It also invites others to share their own grief and their own stories of loved ones lost,” said Kim.
As we pause our busy days and schedules to remember those we’ve lost, we create a community of support and care. It is a reminder that there is so much love that still remains - even in the face of painful loss. That is one reason why our Memorial Day Send a Salute campaign is so important to us. We want the veteran and service member community to be a supportive place wrapped in connection and genuine support.
Kim also underscored that amount of love that is felt and exchanged when people who don’t have to remember, choose to. She shared, “When people who aren't impacted in that same way stop THEIR day to remember, it's incredibly heartwarming because it helps us remember: our person mattered. They ARE missed, they are not forgotten, their death was a loss to others as well, and that affirms what we already know: they were loved, they still are loved, and they were worthy of that love.”
Perhaps one of our favorite bits of wisdom from Kim is this, “let’s reframe our grief as a natural and to be expected in this situation! Grief is an expression of our love.”
Making sure that we create opportunities and for people to remember the loved ones they have lost is a really important aspect of who we are at Stop Soldier Suicide. It is our sincere hope that you will join us in remembering. As we remember we collectively grieve, we push back against stigma, we hold space to honor the totality of our loved ones and we advance together, carrying their memories as we do.