Who would have thought that a TikTok live interview would have evolved into situation that proves we still have work when it comes to the stigma around suicide?
That’s exactly what happened when Kim Burditt Bartlett, Senior Manager, Black Box Project and Loss Survivor, joined Lana Gruell, the founder of The Cashleigh Foundation, which was established in honor of her daughter Cashleigh. Kim joined to share about her journey and also how Black Box Project is helping us get to individuals sooner who may need support. Here’s what happened:
I was honored to be a guest speaker for The Cashleigh Foundation’s live TikTok event to share my story, talk about Stop Soldier Suicide’s work and our groundbreaking suicide prevention initiative, the Black Box Project. Lana Gruell, founder and surviving mom of Cashleigh in whose honor the foundation is named, and I were 55 minutes into a discussion about prevention resources, navigating grief after this kind of loss, and how Black Box Project combines prevention initiatives, data science, and finding meaning and purpose for loss survivors … when I was suddenly removed from the live event. No warning or explanation was given to me or the event host, Lana. After a few minutes, Lana did get a TikTok notification that her guest had “violated community standards” and was removed from the event. We determined that I must have said the word suicide too many times! The magnitude of that set in after a few moments … in a live event about suicide prevention, grief, and mental health resources to help those struggling, saying the very word is a violation. How are we to address an issue if we are not allowed to SAY it? Honoring my brother, speaking authentically about his death, and offering helping for those impacted with and struggling with suicide got me, in essence “cancelled,” at least from that TikTok event.
We aren't completely slamming TikTok as we know their intention is to try to create a space for safe community, but we can't help but marvel at how this situation speaks to the bigger issue of suicide stigma.
As a team, this TikTok situation generated a lot of healthy discussion and exploration about how a culture shift regarding the word suicide is still very necessary. Our co-founder and chairman, Brian E. Kinsella, shared, “At Stop Soldier Suicide, we deliberately chose a name that confronts the word ‘suicide’ head on. This choice reflects our unwavering commitment to shattering the stigma that silences critical conversations. By boldly saying ‘suicide’ out loud, we dismantle barriers, foster open dialogue, and create a lifeline for those in crisis. Every utterance of the word is a step toward saving lives and transforming how we address mental health.”
The approach to pushing back on stigma is something that has been a constant theme within Kim’s loss and healing journey.
Kim shared, "Although I don’t think we fully understood why, my family has always chosen to be open about my brother dying by suicide in 2010. Even though we had no prior experience with grief after suicide loss or had any understanding of the stigmas surrounding suicide and mental health, we somehow knew, even on that very first day, that it was important to be truthful, honest, and authentic about how Jon died. We were heartbroken, we loved him and always would, and we knew he had to have been in immense emotional pain to have ended his life; that’s how we talked about him and his death from the very beginning, and have continued that approach to this day."
As an organization relentlessly committed to solving the suicide crisis within the military we know that we need to talk about suicide openly and say it out loud. Each of us must all work to debunk myths that saying the word is taboo or could cause someone to experience suicidal ideation as a result.
If we cannot say the word suicide how can we hope to solve this big, pressing, destructive issue? We can’t. However, telling stories of loss, hope, and recovery are both protective and preventative in nature. Sharing invites important conversations, open pathways for healing, and creates a world in which nobody has to walk through difficult times alone.
If we join together with resolve that the future can be different, and we advance saying the word suicide, we are all taking steps to end the suicide crisis both within the military community and beyond.