When Elizabeth (EB) looks back on her marriage to Don, or “Donnie” as she often calls him, she remembers both his strength and his struggles. Donnie served in the Army as a medic during Desert Storm. Later, he built a career as an accountant. He was intelligent, compassionate, and loved by many. But he also carried burdens that grew heavier over time.
EB acknowledges the large role that addiction played in Donnie’s struggles. At the same time Donnie was facing some of his hardest battles, EB was also pregnant with their son, Patrick. Those days were marked by pain, difficult conversations, and tireless efforts from EB and others who cared deeply for Donnie. Despite the love and support surrounding him, Donnie died by suicide shortly after Patrick’s birth.
When Donnie died by suicide, EB was left to navigate not only her own grief but also the responsibility of raising their son, Patrick, who was still a toddler at the time. “I didn’t have the luxury of grieving the way people imagine it,” she reflects. “When you’re worried about keeping you and your child alive, the focus becomes very narrow.” That focus, though born out of necessity, is a testament to her strength and determination.
A 13-Year Journey
It has now been a 13-year journey since EB, Patrick and so many others lost Donnie.
From the very beginning of her loss survivor journey, EB chose honesty with her son. She spoke the truth about his father’s death in age-appropriate ways so it would never come as a shock. “Bad things can happen to good people,” she told him in those early days. “The doctors tried to help him. Something broke in his brain,” were other ways she sought to help him understand. She wanted Patrick to grow up without shame attached to his father’s story — and without silence. She can recall getting a call home from Patrick’s kindergarten teacher informing EB that Patrick told the class that his dad died by suicide.
While EB admits it can be jarring to hear such a young person say those words she emphasized, “I taught him early not to have shame.”
Over the years, that openness has shaped Patrick into a thoughtful, empathetic young man. Now 14, he shares his father’s sensitivity, strength, and curiosity, as well as his mother’s sense of humor. “Patrick checks in on people,” EB says proudly. “He notices things others don’t. He has Donnie’s physical strength, but he also has his heart.”
Grief and Learning
EB is candid about the challenges of being a suicide loss survivor. She has heard well-meaning but painful comments and questions: “He’s in a better place” or “Did you see this coming?” What she longed for — and what survivors truly need — was something simpler: “We don’t blame you. We’re here for you and Patrick. Not just now, but for the long haul.”
Her perspective also extends to the bigger picture. EB believes that those who serve in the military and first responder roles deserve stronger, ongoing support when their service ends. “The military breaks people down and teaches them to do what goes against human instinct. And then one day, they’re just expected to go back to everyday life.” She hopes for a future where care for service members doesn’t stop when the uniform comes off, but continues with compassion and consistency.
Today, EB continues to share her story because she knows that silence doesn’t heal. “When the stories get lost, we can’t find the truth,” she says. Her voice — steady, honest, and fiercely protective of her son — is proof that loss does not have the final word. Through her strength, Patrick is growing up not defined by his father’s death, but inspired by the best of both his parents.
Along her journey and as she has increasingly found her voice, she also found our organization. Through scrolling social media one day she saw a Stop Soldier Suicide post and immediately our work and message resonated with her. She began to support us as a donor and helped Even young Patrick joined in, raising money through lemonade stands and proudly donating his quarters to the cause.
Most recently, EB was able to join an in-person small gathering of our supporters. We care deeply about connecting with our community and all the better if it can be in person. During that special time, EB shared her story and perspective as a loss survivor, with the group. We know that her courage in sharing helps others understand that behind every suicide loss is a person who was loved and is now deeply missed by many.
EB’s perspective and approach invite open dialogue, real discussions, and hard conversations around the problem of suicide within the military community and suicide writ large. Her journey is one of love, resilience, and truth-telling. We are inspired by her, grateful for her, and honored to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with her as we advance our life-saving mission.